04 Susan & Tom
"its every girls dream to have a beautiful day.. as beautiful as herself for her wedding ...for me this dream was something that could only ever happen to the LUCKY GIRLS ..THE PRETTY GIRLS...THE GIRLS WHOS DAYS LOVED THEM SO MUCH..DADDYS LITTLE GIRL...please read on and know the story i will keep short as possiable ..is one i rarley tell ...but for someone to understand why i feel i would love this wedding to be mine i need to write and explain..im about 3 years old and in the arms of a man..i remember the ice cream van ringing ..he buys be one and hold me tight while i eat it nibbling onto my ear as he always did ...for that is my first and cherished memory of that man ..who in later years i found out to be my daddy..mum and him werent supose to be as mum was married to another ...so as i grew all i ever knew was arguments mum left the man i thought was my dad and was then with a man who turned out to be my worst living nightmare..we lived with my grandad by this time ..a man who i adored.but unfortunatley he had to become my protector ..mums boyfriend took a disliking to me ..and time after time as i grew he hurt me ..i was about7 when we moved to hitchin ..grandad brought a bigger house for us all ..in part i supose to make sure he cud look over me and keep me safe..i remember waiting for the d.m boots to come in after a night of him drinking and waiting to hear who room he wud enter hed always pass my door first ..i lay ther stiff with fear in case it was me ..if he was angry...but then he use to beat mum alot too ..not that she chooses to remember in her old age now. i can remember curling up behind granads chair in secret and watching emmerale farm with him...but if pog ..as that was what we called him came in hed say i wasent there or if he found me .grandad went after him with a stick as frail and a geordie as he was ..ill always remember his famous words.."hay ya bugger ill bloody belt ya" i never realised why the geordie accent grabbed me in my older years an i came to learn it was because it was how my grandad spoke ..the man i adored as much as he id me.a example tho of pog..he came in one sunday drunk..and just grabbed me kicked me in till i was covered in bruises..pulled me up the stairs with my long hair and left me there till the nxt day..i arent even go to the toilet ..i had a dolls potty i used to secretly use. this all went on for years ..but it wasent just him beating me or mum up..he made mum treat him like a king and with mum being so poor we nitrally got scraps some days..she done everything for him as i had to ..i look back and could never unersstand why ..what did i ever do as a child to deserve it all..but i nee to add to my story..that on weekends my stepdad had us every other weekend it was in part our refuge/timeout..and on occasions my real dad would have us ..you see mum had four kids the older two were her x husbands..my stepdad .. then there was me and my younger brother we had the same dad..but this caused us to always be treated different even now..but our real dad then had a baby and we got pushed away from his life ..but one memory of that pain i was old enough to understand was sitting in his living room and his father came with lots of christmas gifts for the baby ..we sat and watched but got nothing ..he was our grandad too ..it hurt ..years went by ..we got poorer .as for my granded he had now passed away but with the memories i had one thing i cherished a tape ..and the song up on the roof ..the lyrics fitted and sang out to me ..the tape was a gift from my grandad......when i was 12 we moved because pog made mum get morgages out she couldnt repay ..that he spent on himself ..thousands .. i then met the father of my kids ..he in time laid his hands on me too. i was off school one day ..in the kitchen peeling potatoes..we had a row as i wanted to leave him ..he punced me in the stomach i dropped to the floor he left..leving me for a good hr..but on his return i was still there in pain ..another time he hit me i blacked out ..i was 16 and now pregnant ..mum kicked me out ..pog left her for another woman and till this day he says its because i got pregnant ..he wanted mum to have his kid but she was far too old..funny thing is he left her for a much older woaman...this left me about 7 months pregnant finding mum sliting her wrists ..she then turned to drink..and i was so very alone in a hostel..pregnant ..the babys dad lived with his parents ..on the day i had my son ..mum came and from there things got ok but she had to move ..because of the thousands pog left her in debt with and she move to great yarmouth..i stayed with the kids dad for almost 11 years we had two kids in the end ..but the en of us came after he strangled me..and it took my 6 year old to jump on his back swaering to get him off me..but my pain didnt stop there..in short ive had a few bfs ..one mentaly tortuerd me with so many lies i was going mental..he came after me putting a gun to my head..but that ended with him smashing my house up and me time after time..the nxt ended up being a drug abusing skitzafrenic..the nxt was 8 mths with a lovley guy ..but he laughed at me when he said he still loved his wife..it was far from funny..and the i come to tom..i had know him for 3half yrs previous ..but i had now moved to norwich..so we decided to meet..and truth be told..i was so very low and begging him above to giv me a break flooded in tears..tom hold me with love no matter how angry i get sometimes..because of all the mentl and physical tortue ive become so very strong as a person i find it hard to let people in ..hes never hurt me in any way and tries so very hard to please me ..we dont live together as yet but we do want to marry but if i need him day or night he will travel the two hrs time and time again for me in his old banger of a car..and not only for me..for my kids and even for my family ..as much as i love to hate him because i try to find fault ..i love him with all my heart..as you can tell i need to explain a few things even though i could write a book to explain why i would love this wedding for me...ive never had nothing or really ever asked for anything in my life ..theres never been any money after i had my first child i moved into a flat i was 18 and everything i owned went mouldy an had to be replaced..leading to debt with loans and catalogues..eventually when i did have some i made dam sure my kids have a better life than i ..even if i still go without lots of things.mums left on a pension and even though she cant financially help i now have the mum i always wanted and as old as she now is i make sure i appreciate i still have the oppertunity to have mother /daughter time with her...no dad either ..i sit back and watch my real dad buy his daughter everything i always wanted and more so love her the way i was never loved by him
i bring this story to a close ..but i always wonder how someone like me could ever have so much bad luck ,hurt and pain and WHY ME ..i am so lovley i always send people cards or letters to let them know i miss,love or appreciate them..i work for a museum giving my time and look after a autistic child who i love dearly..ive never hurt anyone ..and i always take extra effort to give people meaningful gifts on special occasions..i give people courage,love and understanding when needed..i even wrote a poem for a neighbours duaghter who got hung at 10yrs old..iit was so heartfelt..they read it at her funeral.maybe its knowing so much pain ..that i harbour the understanding of how much little things can mean to someone..if only someone reaches out and gives them love in what ever way they can..i still cry but am strong inside..its all this pain which obviosuly left me with no trust left in men or love..but i had faith maybe one day ...and with tom ..i really want this ..i want something that could only ever be in my dreams to finally come true ..i really dont want to loose him but we have no money for a wedding ..and i have told him i have decided this time i want to do things right i want to get married and have his chid if he so wishes after ...i want a normal life and a family for my two children i have now ...i want this dream wedding to be mine ...i know there are lots of women who deserve it but on this occasion i want to be a winner ..and i want my family who have been waiting for a long time to see me happily settled with a man who truly loves me x
thanks jack fm for taking the time to read it hard to keep short ..i have sat here and shed tears toay but i want this wedding so bad i have had to bring it all back .and if you require more details please ask...and if you want to know if this is true . there are plenty who can back me up..can i please explain there is only a cpl of pics not on pc of me and tome ..thru the stress of my life ..added stories to all this ..over last 3 yrs ive gained 3 half stone ..i refuse to have pics taken because i dont look half as beautiful as i did when tom first met me..but again hes stayed with me through all that too...the pic i found is off your website its of me and my kids with tom...i won with a poem..i tried to win so i could give us all a much needed night out and appreciated with the winning ..thanks guys"
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